Geriatric Mum
Lucy Baker is a mother of 3, confidence coach, radio presenter, make up artist and the brains behind the blog Geriatric Mum. We spoke with her what inspired her to set up her blog and all about being an older mother.
For those who are not familiar with the blog Geriatric Mum. Can you tell us a bit about what led you to create the blog and Facebook group?
When I found out I was pregnant for the third time at the age of 42 I immediately started googling about older mums, being pregnant over forty etc and all that was coming back was risk risk risk, geriatric this, geriatric that and I thought to myself, if I am reading this, so many other women must be too. I stayed up late one night and set up the Instagram page, Facebook page, the blog and a few days afterwards, the Facebook group; We are geriatric mums.
What has been the response been like (to the Geriatric Mum)?
The response was brilliant when I started it in September 2018. I was inundated with messages from women who had joined the group saying that they finally felt like they had landed in the right place. Over the last 3-years, I have had a lot of interest from the media, particularly when new birth stats were released or a celebrity announced her ‘geriatric’ pregnancy. My blog generates lots of messages from women, who like me back in 2018 at 6-weeks pregnant, were googling online for positive stories about being pregnant at an older age.
A geriatric mother is a woman who is 35 years or older. What advice would you offer to any slightly older women who might be considering having children?
This is correct, although my consultant, who looked after me because I was older, said that she deemed ‘geriatric pregnancies’ to be over the age of 40, which was good to hear because I had my first child at 34 and my second at 37, and no-one said a word about my age. My advice to anyone considering having a child at any point is to go for it, if that is what you want. I honestly feel that age is irrelevant. It is about HOW YOU FEEL. No one knows whether they will get pregnant, whether the pregnancy is viable, whether it’ll be twins, healthy or anything else. There is an element of chance linked to every pregnancy and if you are older and considering having children, I’d always say to tune in and understand that only you know what is best. I’d also say to read the blog or get in touch with me!
As women and mothers, we often feel judged. As older mums, we might fear judgement or be affected by negative comments about our age. Was that your experience and what advice would you give to anyone who might experience this sort of judgement?
I have been on the receiving end of judgement which in turn helped me to form the values of the Facebook group; Be supportive and non-judgemental always. Women can be really judgemental towards each other (and behind backs) and this is so wrong. Women need to know they can support women without judgement. In terms of the judgement directed towards me, I had friends, family and people online asking: “Was it a mistake?, I thought you were done?”, “Why would you want to go through all those nappies and sleepless nights again?”, “But you’re going to be 47 when the baby starts school!”.
Thanks for that! A few weeks after I started Geriatric Mum people stopped saying these kinds of things to me, it was much more positive. I am so pleased I started the blog/group/socials because I feel in my small way, I have made a difference.
What are the great things about being an older mother?
Gosh, where do I start?! There are do many great things about being an older mother. I am now 46, my son has just turned 3 and I feel in my groove as a mother. I feel wiser, more confident, comfortable in my skin. I honestly don’t feel much different from when I was 34 (when I had my first child) and think that if you have a youthful outlook on life being an older mother is just, being a mother.
You work a lot with women who want to improve their confidence. Why do you think women struggle with it so much, especially after having children?
Lots of women struggle with confidence at some point in their lives. Quite often women are horrible to themselves (for a myriad of past and present reasons) and hold back from success, being good at something, speaking up, and more. For some women, confidence takes a huge knock after having children because they lose their identity. Personally, I went from London-living, high-earning, fun-loving party-queen to mum of one, living just outside London, with no workplace to go to, no local mum friends, and I found it hard. I suddenly lost part of my identity and found I had nothing to talk about. I certainly didn’t want to talk about nappies and prams, but what else was happening for me? Answer – not much. After having a baby, women’s bodies change, energy levels can slump, skin and hair look and behave differently and add to that the perpetual tiredness a mother feels and all becomes a huge drain on confidence. On the contrary, some women feel a new level of confidence after having children. These women feel like they have found their thing, that life suddenly makes sense for them and they settle into the new way of living and being a parent exceptionally well. One thing to note here is that if you are reading this and you have lost your confidence, you can and will get it back. A big drop in confidence must be seen as a minor blip, and journal around how you are feeling right now, so that those feelings are on paper, for you to see, understand, and work on.
What have these past two years of the pandemic been like for you?
Goodness me, what a two years it has been! I have had a very up and down couple of years and have made lots of life changes. I think the hardest part of it all for me was trying to home-school my children whilst my husband worked full-time and I was running She Coaches Confidence. We both did what we could with the kids, but my god it was a depressing sh*t-show in our house. My girls were 10 and 8, and my boy was just under 2. I think if I’d had a fitness watch back then, I would have clocked up 25,000 steps a day just in the house! I found it stressful and my business suffered, in fact, we all did. One of my daughters was diagnosed with ADHD and when you take routine away from a child with extra needs, it all falls apart. Even when the school offered her a place, she refused to attend so school work became a battle each day and one that I finally gave up on. I am not her school teacher and I never will be. No family should ever endure badly thought-out online lessons for multiple children ever again. It was the pits. I lost my uncle the same day as the children’s schools closed for the first time and I will never forget walking up to the school to collect the girls, having just heard the awful news about my mum’s only sibling. The pandemic pushed my husband and I to make some big life decisions (money, family, and lifestyle) and in September 2021 we left Kent for my home-turf of Lincolnshire. The children are in new schools, we have a new home and I am now a 5-minutes car journey from my parents, whom I had been missing terribly. They are both 78 and the pandemic made me realise that I wanted to be close to them, and my husband was up for the move, so we did it!
How do you look after your mental health?
My mental health is key these days. Before I worked on my confidence 6-years ago, I wasn’t very in-tune with myself and I didn’t know how to look after my mental wellbeing at all. I thought looking after mental health was going for a massage. I now know there is a lot more to it. I spend time alone when I need, sleep properly, journal, I am kind to myself, I surround myself with kind people, I volunteer for a cancer charity, I work as a radio DJ, I try to help others, I eat nourishing foods, try to keep alcohol down (although I love a glass or two!), I work on my confidence every day and I am decisive in my work and my personal life. I know when things are getting on top of me - which can be pretty frequently when running a coaching business, a blog, and being a parent to three children - so these days I take time out. Proper time out for me to recoup so that I don’t get overwhelmed. It is very hard to live a balanced productive life if you feel overwhelmed. I have to say, it took me until I was 39 to realise how to look after my mental health, but I am so glad I did. It’s important.
If you’d like to hear more about Geriatric Mum, head to their website or get in touch through their social channels:
Website: www.geriatricmum.co.uk | www.shecoachesconfidence.com
Instagram: @geriatric_mum
Twitter: @geriatric_mum
And for something extra, Lucy also has a podcast on confidence, which you can listen to here:
Podcast: The Confidence Rooms