LGBT MUMMIES
Laura-Rose Thorogood and her family
As part of LGBT+ History Month, an annual celebration of the lives and contributions of LGBT+ people from the past, we’re delighted to share this conversation with Laura-Rose Thorogood from LGBT Mummies.
Celebrated every February in the UK, LGBT+ History Month offers a moment to reflect, honour and learn. For us at Cinemamas, it is also an opportunity to celebrate all mothers in our community, in all their diversity.
In this interview, Laura-Rose shares insights and experiences that speak to connection, visibility and belonging, and we are pleased to share her voice with you.
Q. Could you share the story of how LGBT Mummies was founded, and what motivated you to create a platform specifically for LGBTQ+ parents?
It was founded after our own experience of growing our family and the difficulties and barriers we experienced as a lesbian couple. We were getting consistently contacted by people wanting guidance about how we had our children and how they or their family members could start a family, and it became so frequent that it highlighted the need for a safe space for women and people to be informed, and a global community to celebrate and normalise our journeys.
Q. Motherhood is often represented through a very narrow lens. How do you see LGBT Mummies helping to expand and redefine what motherhood looks like today?
We navigate various spaces across society, including within Government, the healthcare system and society to influence systemic change and ensure LGBTQIA+ families’ voices and identities are represented, validated and included. Motherhood isn’t just about our journey as Mothers or Birthing Parents, but the experiences pre-, during and after birth. Our experiences are often diverse, and the barriers we face intersectionally can be great. There is not one way to be one, so LGBT Mummies are here to support redefining and celebrating all forms of Motherhood and Parenthood, whilst educating systems and society to understand ours better, and support us in a compassionate, safe and inclusive way.
Q. Parenting as an LGBTQ+ person can come with additional challenges — from fertility treatments and adoption processes to societal bias. What are some of the most pressing issues you hear from your community?
The most pressing issue for many is that across society, many systems and spaces are not fit for purpose, impeding our experiences. Healthcare systems, whereby the forms do not consider LGBTQIA+ families and are centred on heteronormative family formations, often exacerbate the feelings of erasure and discrimination people face. The lack of representation and educated understanding of our family formation journey and our family structures can impede people’s experiences, and there is often talk of ‘invisibility’ for many, which also leads to feelings of being invisible for children within LGBTQIA+ families.
Q. A sense of belonging is at the heart of your work (same as Cinemamas!). What role do you think peer-to-peer support plays in the well-being of LGBTQ+ parents?
The ability to meet, know and see others like yourself and be able to build relationships and share your experiences, supports alleviating the loneliness that many feel if they don’t know other LGBTQIA+ families. It also gives space to share safely, feel listened to and understood, and for our children to become part of a community of families just like theirs. Representation in the community is crucial.
Q. Parenthood intersects with so many identities: gender, race, class, and ability. How does LGBT Mummies approach these layers to ensure inclusivity across your community?
By ensuring we consistently represent LGBTQIA+ families and the intersectionality across our people in our educational work, socials, language and the families we celebrate globally. It’s crucial, as then we are not only educating people that you can be black and brown, and queer and disabled, and other protected characteristics or communities, but that people understand the multitude of barriers they then face increases, and that’s important. We always question ourselves to address ‘have we missed anyone?’ Or ‘who else can we include?’, and always ask for feedback to see how we can ensure positive representation of all.
Q. Cinemamas looks at the intersection of parenting and the screen industry. Do you feel LGBTQ+ parents are being represented fairly in film and television? What kinds of stories would you love to see told?
Sadly, no. Parents are often represented in a stereotypical or tokenistic way, or sensationalised instead of being part of the ‘everyday’ in storylines. And when there is opportunity to showcase families whom aren’t usually represented, the education is lost because people question the validity of those characters, ‘they can’t be a queer family’- there’s more to meaningful representation than just the storyline- it’s ensuring the correct narrative is driven socially and in the media alongside storylines to support societal education further that queer families don’t all look the same or have the same experiences, and that they all matter.
Q. Do you feel that LGBTQ+ mothers and parents face unique challenges around maternal (or parental) mental health, and what kind of support systems are most needed?
We are at risk of poorer care and poorer maternal mental health because of the multitude of barriers we face socially and across systems. Education and training are crucial so staff have a deep understanding of our journeys and identities, and that way care would be more compassionate, less harmful and personalised to our needs.
Q. What is your vision for the future of LGBT Mummies, and what changes would you most like to see in how society, workplaces, and culture embrace LGBTQ+ families?
We have many campaigns ongoing, but specifically are campaigning for equality in fertility funding, better fertility in the workplace policies, better Paternity leave, and better family formation and parenting rights, all of which are for all LGBTQIA+ people. With our collective Fertility Justice Campaign, we brought together over 16 organisations nationally to fight for better access, and with Paternity leave, we are supporting and working alongside DadShift UK, and successfully now the Government are underling a Paternity Leave Review. For us, any part of society that we access care, laws or services should reflect us in language and any polices, guidelines or laws. As we say, “Services, for us, by us, with us”- that way, we are included. Society as a whole has a long way to go, but through the education and training and campaigning we do, we feel we can make a positive change -and provide a safe global community for families to thrive, be celebrated and usualise our families.